1. He always make plans at the last minute.
He may have several rods on the fire. You might not be his favorite rod. If nothing else comes along then you pop into his head. Some men just like to keep their options open. They have several choices available and don’t want to make the wrong decision or commit to a date too soon in the event that something better might come along. You have to decide if this is something you can tolerate. If you are not that into him either, it may work out perfectly for you (a girls gotta eat), but if you are waiting by the phone this may be sign to move on. I personally would not feel I was being treated respectfully in this situation.I would feel I deserved to be treated better.
2. He’s not taking an active role in becoming part of your world.
If a man is serious about you, he will usually make the effort to get to know the people who are important to you. Whether it’s your friends or family, he will want it to be known that he is your man and he will usually try hard to make a good impression. This is how some men mark their territory. Hey, it doesn’t hurt if everyone loves him and sings his praises to you. If he doesn’t care about that, he simply might not care about you. If he does care about you, but doesn’t want to be involved in your world… well, that’s a whole other story. You come to your own conclusion, but if it were me… I’d rethink the relationship.
3. He doesn’t go to events that are important to you.
Once in awhile if he has a good excuse or is ill or something…that’s ok. If you see a pattern, it may be time to trade up. Something that is important to you should be equally important to him. If it is not, then it might be a sign that either he is not that into you, he prefers his friends to you, or he is simply too self-centered to stop for a minute and please someone other then himself. If you’ve really hit the jackpot, he may be a combination of all three. Either way, pay attention to the signs and decide if you feel you are worthy of more.
4. He stays in close contact with his single friends.
If a guy does not part with his single friends, you can be fairly certain he is not going to give up the single life either. Some guys are just players: they have to keep their options open and have a certain amount of emotional distance. Having single friends when you are disabled dating is the best of both worlds. He may continue to get close to you, but his friends are never far behind. They attend events with you and have permission to just drop by at their whim. You don’t want your guy to give up his friends, but it may be a sign of trouble if he insists that you spend most of your time together hanging out with his buddies.
If he is not a player, but just very social, make sure your needs are met as well. Hanging out with the buds can be fun, but sometimes alone time is also needed in a relationship. If the situation meets your needs, then great. If not, then decide if this is something you can get used to.
5. Night time is the right time… all the time.
If he loves the nightlife and the nightlife loves him even after you have been disabled dating for a while, this might just be his way of life. If this is your way of life, then you have just met your soulmate. I wish you well. However, historically when couples first start disabled dating they tend to go out a lot, stay out late, and dance the night away. Once you settle in, though, and get closer in the relationship, the pendulum swings to quite nights at home and romantic dinners. If this is where you are hoping the pendulum would swing, then it may be a good time to express your needs and see if he can meet them. Don’t ask or expect him to change if that is who he is and what makes him happy. Accept the fact that you want different things. It may be time to send this one back and explore the other “fishies in the sea”.
6. You never see him more then once a week (ok… sometimes twice), even after you have been disabled dating several months
Is he super busy or are you play toy number 7? He might have one for every day of the week, and you only can see him twice if numbers 1 through 6 are busy. Hey, it happens … mostly because he has been allowed to get away with it. Just don’t be naive and think he is sitting home 6 nights alone. If this is acceptable to you, then by all means enjoy your time together when it happens. I guess you will certainly never get sick of each other. If you need more see if he can (or more importantly will) meet your needs. If not…get those shoes on and start walking.
7. You only have his cell number after you have been disabled dating each other for a more then a month.
If it’s been months and you haven’t asked him about that…allow me…he’s either living with someone else or he doesn’t want you calling his house in case he has another woman over. The cell phone he can turn off or set to vibrate… How perfect is that? When you are into someone (and not disabled dating other women too) you want her to feel free totally comfortable calling you anytime. It shows commitment and openness. If he is not showing these signs outwardly, it might be an indication that you are disabled dating a very busy man. If it feels like a duck and quacks like a duck… yup, it’s a duck. This little trick was used on me, and I must say I didn’t catch on for quite a while. I was too naive…I’m all grown up now.
Image by Kristin Brenemen
Sushi at Osaka (who apparently never make the Osaka Special for Two, exciting the chef), followed by Halloween perusal. A typical date night.