The D Word — DATING
This installment covers the phone/email stalker. You can find this article series as part of Game Chronicles log onto: www.psstdating.com to find out more about the zine and the Dating Challenge contest.
This person has a special ring tone –to warn you. If you’re lucky that day you’ll receive one email. You open the email to find a happy face…what does it want? This person seemed so normal when you first meet—who knew? Now this person is starting to make a pest of him/her…what to do?
The suggested solution depends on how you answer the next question:
Do you want to continue developing a relationship with this person? You will have to make a definitive answer –yes or no (hint if you’re saying maybe the answer is no)
I repeat advice my Life Coach clients and in other articles for people not to take the cowardly and cruel route that leaves the other in the chasm of the unknown. Don’t let someone else do your speaking and when you turn down someone in person do it in a public location (no matter how long you have known this person) or do it by the person personal email or home number(voicemail). If you’ve ever had a bad break up you will understand the advice. It’s unlikely anyone will ever thank you for saying no thank you to them but that isn’t a reason to leave this person in that chasm. Be gentle, direct and avoid giving away your class or courage to anyone or circumstance (specific bowing out tips check out the Dating 101 section of www.psstdating.com site next month)
Choose your ONE form of communication and show and tell this person the best way to stay in contact with you. Avoid the mixed signals: if this person calls you don’t email them back you got their message—call the person back. To stop the multiple communications you will have to stick to your chosen form—phone, email, text and don’t respond to all the communications. If he/she emails you 4times in a day don’t respond back to every email. The idea here is to get the person to STOP the multi communication.
If you don’t want this person contacting you any longer—say please stop contacting me. If you have been disabled dating longer than 3 mths and/or have had sex with this person explain why you want to stop disabled dating this person. You don’t have to be mean about this. Plan what you’re going to say calling/emailing the person. If you want to stop disabled dating don’t wait until after the vacation and don’t have good bye sex. If your feeling lonely, bored or just curious one day don’t contact this person “just to see how they were doing” — you’re now playing with this person’s head and it’s unlikely you would enjoy someone doing this to you.
Dating is a relationship even when it’s casual. Relationships are communications.
Upcoming articles: Rejection and what is Game?
This article is written by Leah Woods, Life Coach and Author of Game Dating: Navigating through the Lame.
Image by bdrc
MD: Bella & Patricia
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