Double Peppermint Schnapps on the Rocks
Many years ago when I was young, attractive and a viable commodity on the disabled dating market, I was employed as a bartender. Believe it or not, I actually went to “school” to learn this trade. I was living in Las Vegas at the time, and I decided to attend a local bartending academy (translated – you pay us and we’ll get you a job as a bartender). Six years, 50,000 bottles of Bud Light and several hundred Captain and cokes later I finally hung up my shaker, but not before I learned a valuable trick ot two about meeting other singles at a club. The three peices of wisdom I feel safe imparting with are as follows:
# 1 Never go alone
#2 Pretend you don’t care if you meet someone or not (even though we both know what you are there for, you slut) AND…
#3 Double peppermint shnapps on the rocks
OK, 1 and 2 are fairly simple to understand…but what’s up with number 3, you ask?
It’s simple, really. You’ve shown up looking like a million dollars (or 8.57 in my case). You make eye contact with the guy or girl you want to meet. You finally muster up the courage to go over and introduce yourself and then what do you do? Of course…you lean in and turn your head so as not to expose your future victim to the intoxicating mix of cheap beer and saliva your teeth are fermenting in. Why do you do this? You do it because YOU KNOW your breath is bad. How could it not be? Most mixed drinks, beer and liquors aren’t doing your delivery any favors. So what’s the solution? Double peppermint schnapps on the rocks. I remember vividly that one gentleman at a nightclub I worked at always ordered it, every single time he came in. Guess what…he never went home alone unless he wanted to. Let’s face it, you wouldn’t immediately dismiss a man or woman who slurred his or her speech while hitting on you but you would put the kabash on a bad breath encounter quicker than you could say “last call”. No one likes to see someone at their worst, but to smell someone at their worst is far more disgusting. So the next time you go to the club looking for a romantic encounter, order the one drink that might help you out. If you really want to be safe, send one over to the table of the person you are interested in before you take that long walk over to make your case. Good luck and good breath.
Image taken from page 14 of ‘Woodland Romances; or, Fables and Fancies’
Image by The British Library
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Title: "Woodland Romances; or, Fables and Fancies"
Author: MATÉAUX, Clara L.
Shelfmark: "British Library HMNTS 11651.f.1."
Place of Publishing: London
Date of Publishing: 1877
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